Solid Foundation

I see posts on facebook that discuss the 15 Habits To Teach Your Teenage Daughter or 10 Things You Need To Know To Raise Sons. I see these and I used to read them but after awhile I decided that I don't need another reminder of what I am NOT doing correctly when it comes to parenting. Usually after reading them I don't feel any better or encouraged about the job that I am doing raising three kids by myself. 

Let's face it, my kids are almost "raised" so to speak. Jake is 17 and will be finishing his senior year in high school this year; Jenna is 14 (going on 24) and rarely wants to spend time with me or hear my opinion. I still have some time left with Jon Keeton but even at age 9 he lives in his own world and he'd rather listen to his friends and older siblings than his mom. They have reached that age where listening to mom goes in one ear and out the other most of the time. I'm reminded of the school teacher voice on Charlie Brown and I am convinced that is what my kids hear when I speak. 

My dad told me as a young mom that there would come a time when my kids would begin to drift away from me. "Gaby, they won't always need you/listen to you like they do when they are little. So you need to teach the important stuff early, when you have their full attention." He said that all to soon they would begin to get distracted by friends and the noise of the outside world. He reminded me that now was the time to instill in them the "big stuff" in life - knowing right from wrong, meaning of family, love, support, manners, honesty, compassion, kindness, and empathy.  "Teach them these things now Gaby, and you will create a foundation on which they can grow. This stuff they will take with them wherever they go and in whatever they do."

And he was right. They don't really listen to me that much anymore. They of course know I am here for them and love them but right now they'd rather discuss the details of their lives with each other and their friends. I get that. I also accept it. I know I am not here to be their friend but to be their parent. And honestly I don't really care who is dating whom, what the latest new video game craze is, or what shoes everyone in high school is wearing. I don't have the time for that, but I do always have the time for them. 

As a new school year begins and my kids move up to the next grade level, the same old doubts begin to emerge and I question myself on how I am doing raising them. Did I tell them about this? Should I have let them do that? What if they forget to do this? I should have reminded them about that! It is never ending unfortunately. I worry. A lot. 

But thankfully amid the worrying and the reminding I see ... Jake return an extra dollar that was given to him by mistake at the bank; Jenna choosing to stand beside a friend who is going through a life changing event while others judge and bully; Jon Keeton on the football field offering a hand and encouraging word to a fallen team mate. 

Through out our chaotic busy lives I've caught a glimpse of ... Jake shaking hands with people he meets for the first time and introducing himself; Jenna saying please and thank you to the waitress when ordering food; Jon Keeton holding the door open for me and then continue to hold it so that others can come through. Little moments of the big stuff that make my heart smile and for a instance the worrying gets put on pause. They remembered - and without me reminding them. I am a proud mom and I know my dad is too. 

Now my kids make mistakes, bad choices and misbehave - they are still kids after all. I still have to remind them of their curfew, to clean their rooms and to do their homework. Sometimes I also have to remind them of the big stuff again ... Be nice to your brother/sister/friend; Be thankful you have a car/tv/clothes; Remember to say thank you/please/yes ma'am. I know I still have some "raising" left to do with them. However, as they make their way to new classes, meet new friends and have new experiences I am grateful that some stuff seems to have stuck. 

Thanks Dad for telling me to teach the "big stuff" so that as my kids grow up and move away from me they will always have a solid foundation on which to stand.