I usually use this space to write about the great stuff my dad taught me and the truth of the matter is that for all the wonderful things he did, he also did some not so wonderful things too. These are moments that I would much rather not remember but they are indeed still lessons after all, mainly the lesson of "do as I say not as I do" variety.
Coming to the realization that my dad wasn't perfect was difficult. And even though his mistakes hurt me or disappointed me, most of the time they usually were not about me at all. I learned as the older I got that my parents weren't just mom and dad. They were individuals and had experiences that went beyond just taking care of me. I learned and discovered that their journey through life was filled with some mistakes and failures but it was also filled with successes and triumphs. Through it all, I always felt loved, I always felt important and I always felt safe.
I have had my share of bad choices, mistakes and failures and I am sure I will continue to make more. Dad would often tell me that it's not the mistake you need to concentrate on it is learning from it and not making the same mistake again. He would give me a hug and say "Do better Gaby. Let's not dwell on the mistake." He would remind me that even if you fail at one thing it doesn't make you a failure. He would also remind me that with every choice there is always a consequence, good or bad. And I would often pay the consequence and sometimes it was painful. He also taught me that no matter the choices, the mistakes, or the failures that I make in life I do not have to let them define me or take away from "the good stuff" in my life.
I know I have disappointed my children and at one time or another my choices in life have affected them.
So to my kids I say these 10 things:
I am not perfect.
I will disappoint you.
I will make bad choices sometimes.
I will fail at certain things.
I am sorry if my choices hurt you.
I am always going to be your mom.
I chose to have you and you are the best choice I have ever made.
I will always be proud to call you my child.
I will always be here.
I will always love you.
Even after all the bad choices and the bad mistakes … even after realizing that my parents were much more than just mom and dad, the take away is that I never once in my life did not feel important. I just hope that my three kids know that no matter the mistakes I make, in the end they realize how important they are to me. That they know, no matter what, that I will always love them. Because no matter the circumstances in my life, I always knew that I had a place to call home.
To Jake, Jenna and Jon Keeton please know that my heart is your home and that will never change. You can always always come back home!
