No Regrets!

Today would have been my 20th wedding anniversary ... if I had chosen to stay married to Jake and Jenna's dad. Wow … 20 years! So many choices I have made in these past 20 years. Some good ones and some not so good ones. Some were thought out and calculated choices, while others were made in a quick moment in time. Most were my own choices but there were times when other peoples decisions created a situation were I was forced to make a choice.

I would often call my dad when big life choices arose and seek his wisdom. I recall the first big decision I made on my own. It was my sophomore year in college and I decided to change my major. I was scared to call my dad and tell him that the plan had changed. I was nervous he wouldn't approve of my choice. So ... one late evening in the Thomas Cooper Library, on a pay phone, I called home - collect. (No cell phones back then). My parents accepted the charges and I commenced with the normal, routine chit chat with my mom. Then Dad got on the phone. I answered his standard questions. Yes - I am studying. Yes - I am eating. No - I don't NEED any money (but I WANTED some). No - I wasn't partying every night (just every OTHER night).  "Anything else to report Gaby?" my dad asked. I paused, took a deep breath and told him that I was changing my major and had decided on advertising and marketing. There was only silence on the other end. "Will you still graduate on time?" was the only question he finally asked. I assured him that I would and that I had thought long and hard about it. This is what I wanted. "Well Gaby, that is why you are there at college. To figure out what it is you want to do." He proceeded to tell me that this was my choice to make and reminded me that it was alright to veer off the planned route if needed. He explained that my choices in life will steer me down many different paths and that along the way I will make some well planned out choices and other times I will have to make decisions on the spot. "Just remember no matter the choice, or the outcome, own your decision. These choices are yours. Don't look back. Life's to short. Have no regrets Gaby." 

I remember flying home just days before my 30th birthday with two small children in tow, having just made the difficult decision to become a single mom. Dad wasn't exactly thrilled about that choice, but there he was at the airport with open arms. As we walked through the airport, Jenna in a baby sling and Jake in a stroller, he looked at me and I could see the concern on his face. I could tell he wasn't happy about my choice. "No regrets Gaby?" he questioned. I stopped in the middle of the airport and looked at him and then down at my kids, and said "No Dad. Not today. Not with these two." He smiled and hugged me and just said "OK. Let's go home."

The choices I have made throughout my life, I am sure are not ones that many people would choose. Someone once said to me ... "I would never want to live your journey, it's been way too hard." At first I was slightly offended but then soon realized that yep, she was right, it would be too hard, for her. She couldn't handle my journey or my choices. They were all mine. And yes, the journey was hard at times but it was also funny, sweet, kind, loving and just plain happy most of the time. 

People often ask me if I regret being divorced, twice. I used to stumble over that question and get embarrassed but now I can honestly just answer no. I explain that I certainly did not plan for it to go that way, but in the end I wouldn't want it any other way. For if I had experienced a different journey or made other choices then I would not have three beautiful, silly, funny, kind, loving, and wonderful children. The best three choices I ever made. The three choices of which I am the most proud.

Thanks Dad. You were right. Life is short. These choices are mine. I'm not looking back. No regrets!