For the times they are a changin'

Change is hard. In my life of almost 42 years, there has been lots of change. Let's see: I have changed my hairstyle numerous times - long, short, permed, straight - I've done it all and probably have pictures to prove it; I have changed jobs at least 8 times, just since I graduated from college; I have changed husbands 2 times, and lets not even count the boyfriends; And I have moved and lived in 6 different states, 2 foreign countries and too many to count, dorms, apartments and houses. In fact the longest I have lived anywhere as an adult is in this house, right here in Irmo, SC ... 8 years. But even though I have lived here the longest, the most change has occurred right here. I've lost a parent, divorced a husband, raised 3 kids alone, and changed jobs 3 times and that's just the "big stuff". Lots of change internally as well. Yes ... change is hard and scary. I have to admit I am not a fan of change. 

I think change scares me because I fear the unknown and I have no control. You see, I like things scheduled, organized, predictable … me in control. I have lived this way for about 20 years now.  I have a calendar that I carry around with me – everywhere. I always have and I clearly remember when this started for me.  My freshman year at Carolina – with my first Mortar Board. Now, I’m not sure if USC still has them, but for me it became my life. I looked forwarded to getting one each school year – writing in events, birthdays, even school work. It had my life mapped out, planned, organized. I looked forward to the end of the week when I could fold down the page and know that it was complete. I had followed “the plan”, crossed off my “to dos”. It was the schedule of my life. I relished in buying a new calendar each year and as the years went by they became more detailed, each day now had time slots not just a block of white space.  I could plan my life out in 30 minute increments – how fantastic! I was a happy girl. So there I went through life, planning, organizing, and scheduling.  And I was good at it. I had my check list, my plan for life and as the years went by I began to check things off my list. Graduate from college – Check. Get married – check. Have 2 kids – check. I even scheduled my pregnancies. I had this thing called life figured out.  Even after my first divorce I still felt like I was somewhat in control. This was just a slight bump in the road. I could plan around this. So back to my calendar and lists I went. Move back home – check. Find a job – check. Buy a house – check.  I kept my calendar close and continued to plan my life, for I was in control. 

Well ... we all know how that works out. I learned quickly that trying to schedule life certainly didn't stop it from changing. Change it did. ALOT! And I now know that it will continue to change, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. And through it all, I hear my dad's voice reminding me that without change we would fail to grow. "Gaby the only thing constant in life is change. You can't stop it and you can't control it. So you gotta learn to embrace it and just try learn from it. Change isn't a bad thing. Change gives us the opportunity to grow and learn. Just remember it is the only thing you can count on. Even Bob Dylan sang ... 'For the times they are a-changin'." 

Thanks again Dad, for that lesson. Still a hard one to learn but through all the changes I have experienced I am certain that one thing will never change ... I'll always be your little girl.